I'm Dreading Mother's Day This Year

Does anyone else feel this way? With Mother’s Day quickly approaching, I cannot help but reflect on the past year. The worry of my husband’s heart failure along with his other comorbidities. I know I am not his mother, but his mother passed away years ago, and, in a sense, we do take on that motherly role sometimes as caregivers. Not to mention dealing with his mental health having to leave a job he loved, the mental health of our children, all while my stress and mental health took a back seat to this.

Not prepared

The weight of the world was on my shoulders. As I have written, my husband has recently had a stroke. Like any other major health event he has had, I have always been there to care for him, but this time it was different. I was not prepared for the emotional changes strokes can cause.

My kids, especially my youngest, who witnessed the entire event, withdrew from everyone. I was essentially left with not only caring for my whole family, but I still had to work my full-time job from home while also maintaining the upkeep of our home.

People offering support

Chris had previously agreed to take over homeschool duties, which never fully materialized in the entire place. His emotional regulation was off, and he wasn’t the man I married for a few weeks after he returned home from the hospital. I was completely and utterly exhausted.

I am sure, as many of you know when something like this happens, you get phone calls and text messages tell you, “let me know what you need, and I will be there,” and then those people never materialize, even those you are closest to.

Helpless and alone

My house was a mess, and my own family couldn’t find the time to at least help with laundry or grocery shopping. I felt overwhelmed and unappreciated. Caregiving is never easy, but this was the first time I questioned if I could continue to live my life this way. I felt helpless and alone.

Is there a way to approach them?

Right now, it is 3:42 a.m., and I am finally catching up on laundry. My husband and kids are home seven days a week. The thought has occurred to none of them to wash a load or two of laundry while I am at work. This is why I dread Mother’s Day this year. It will be a hollow gesture. I have never felt like this before, and it honestly hurts. The pressure on me as a caregiver has been unbearable the last couple of months. I am not sure how to even approach this with them. However, I haven’t had a moment to breathe in for over a year, and they need to know that.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

Has anyone else felt this way in this current situation trying to find support online? Some of the advice was practical others were not. We do not all have a family to support up. I am genially happy for those who do. What do those of you who do not have a great support system in a place? Is it normal to feel this way?