Suggestions for Dating with an LVAD - Caretakers POV

No one likes to have to give a disclaimer in the first conversation or the first date. My mother did not struggle with saying what was on her heart or mind.

So she let everyone know up front that she was a left ventricular assist device (LVAD) patient. She loved to educate people on LVAD, congestive heart failure, and being on the heart transplant list. She did not mind explaining to individuals young and old. She loved to share stories, or what I liked to call escapades.

I learned a lot from her when it comes to dating. I learned that it is a good practice to disclose what you are dealing with up front. My mother was never ashamed of living with heart failure. She made sure everyone around her was educated on what she was dealing with.

My mother's approach to dating with an LVAD and heart failure

It is important that the person living with the heart condition is comfortable explaining what they deal with daily. It was important to her that everyone around her understood that the heart condition is a hidden disability. It was important to her that the person she was dating knew everything, they felt comfortable asking questions, and she did not mind answering questions about the bag she carried like a purse.

Her comfort with intimacy did not change drastically, yet her desire began to change for more of a mental stimulation and a deeper connection, than just the physical. When it came to intimacy I know she made sure her drive line was secure and she made sure her battery bag was not in the way.

I believe her main concern about any individual she dated was would they be able to manage the severity of her condition while they dated. She felt like she had to use her discretion when she dated, and they had to have empathy and compassion for her heart condition. Everyone may not be able to understand being in a relationship with someone with a heart condition, because is not always visible on the outside unless you see the scars.

Communication is key

I do not believe it would be any easier to explain a cardiac device like a pacemaker up front, even though the device is internal. You would have to be open to explain if your heart experiences, irregular heart rhythm, and the possible chance that the pacemaker or defibrillator will send an electrical pulse.

Someone with an LVAD may have other inquires from the person they are dating. There may be many questions related to safe and creative ways to still be intimate when dealing with the drive line and the external power source the patient must always carry in the bag. Some people may be turned off from moving forward with intimacy.

In life we often worry about what other people think. I feel that when dealing with a heart condition, like heart failure, it is very important to work on yourself from the inside first so you worry less about what people think. It is also important to freely communicate with your care team when it comes to questions and concerns about being intimate. The more open patients are with their health team, sharing experiences and challenges, the more knowledge can be developed over time.

So let's be more open with communicating success stories when it comes to dating and intimacy with an LVAD so that more people can maintain a quality of life with less barriers and more healthy intimate experiences.