Dating With Heart Failure

In 2014, when I was diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy, I knew that my dating life was automatically in jeopardy.

The main reason was that I was told by doctors not to get pregnant because my heart was too weak to handle a pregnancy. I always thought, "who would want to be with a girl with a heart condition and who couldn’t get pregnant." Mind you, I was 25 years old when the diagnosis came down so, I was not mature in my thinking. Now I have grown, and I am still growing, but I know that the kind of thinking I was doing was not healthy. If it had been, then I would have known that there are men who do not see any problem with my heart condition and the things that come with it.

Dating apps, festivals, and weddings

When I got my new heart in 2020, I automatically thought dating would become easier, but I was wrong. COVID-19 crept onto the scene and my world shut down. Mostly because people were dying and we did not know much about the virus. We just knew that I was in the high-risk category because of my immunocompromised status.

Since my team told me that I could not go into any stores or places with a lot of people, my cousin told me to try a dating app. I had some reservations about joining because it seemed so inorganic to me. I was so used to going out and meeting people but it was hard to do because of COVID. So I wrote a bio, picked some pictures, and joined some dating apps.

At first, it was exciting talking to different guys, but nothing ever came to fruition. It just really got frustrating so I deleted the apps. The next thing I tried was going to different outdoor events like festivals. Although I had a great time, I did not have great luck. In a last-ditch effort, I tried to meet guys at 2 different weddings and came up empty.

My change in approach to dating with heart failure

At the beginning of my heart journey, I was in a relationship for less than a year. Since then I have been single and dating. At first, when I started dating I would keep my heart condition a secret until I got to know the person. They would hear my story and get intimidated or would put me in the friend zone without getting the chance to know me. Now when I meet a guy for the first time, I like to just tell them that I am a heart transplant recipient and what I have been through.

First of all, it helps to weed out the guys who I think cannot handle my condition. I would rather be upfront and honest about everything. I stopped delaying my story because it is my story and I cannot change my medical history. It is what it is.

Not giving up on love

Heart disease and heart failure are not for the weak of the heart. No pun intended.

When looking for a partner it is important to choose the person who is going to lighten the load, not make the burden heavier. We need supportive partners who are not going to cause our heart stress. Someone who has the patience to deal with us when we feel our worst. They have to be strong mentally to deal with those late nights in the hospital when we are in the emergency rooms and for just routine checkups.

My story is still being written and I have not given up on love. And you shouldn’t either. Dating will always be hard, it is hard for healthy individuals without heart conditions. Just always go into it with an open, positive mind and everything will work out in your favor.