It Is Happening to Them, Too

You have been diagnosed with heart failure. Firstly, I am sorry. I am sorry that it exists and that it has affected you directly. There is so much to unpack and deal with and get treatments sorted. What you are going through is a lot, and I see you. I know this is not easy.

While your loved ones will be there and support you as far as possible, I want to remind you that the people going alongside you, are going through this too. Albeit, differently, and it does not take away from what you are going through. I am just here to remind you, that we are here and this is happening to us too.

My Dad's diagnosis

This was so hard, my dad's diagnosis hit me like a ton of bricks. I was young and impressionable and it stayed with me for life. I walked the path alongside him, and I was often cut out of conversations when things were happening. I never wanted to be part of every last detail, and I knew my place was not in the decision-making process.

However, being cut out and left out completely was also not very pleasant. It made me feel lost, and confused, and with no safe place to vent my concerns about what was happening to my dad. I had so many questions and no safe place to ask them. This continued until I was an adult and it never changed. Often finding out about procedures after they have happened. I was gutted every single time.

Cutting me off

As an adult, this isolated me from my dad and left me no room to be there for him. Just to make a dinner or a cup of tea. I could have sent some flowers or just picked up the phone to tell him that I loved him before he went into surgery for the umpteenth time. And please do not misunderstand me here, I know and understand that it is his choice, and he did what he wanted to. I respect that. However, this is not to say that it did not impact me and that maybe I would have liked too simply be in the loop.

Allow them in: Heart failure's impact on your support people

Allow the people in your life in, try and foster a safe space, not for them, but with them. In this space you can both talk about what is happening. Hold space for them and allow them to be there for you. Fostering a space where you can talk to each other about what is happening, treatments, and plans to move forward.

Allowing the people who are going through this with you to air their concerns, ideas, worries or even fears could possibly foster a stronger bond between you and make things a little easier for both of you.

This does not make it about them, nor is that the intention. I just know that this would have made a big difference in my world.

Change what you can and accept what you cannot

It simply means you recognize and see that something is happening to them too.

I can tell you from experience that it is so hard to watch someone you love and care about  go through this. I lost my Dad to a final heart attack a few years ago. There was never anything I could do to make him better or to heal his heart. That was so hard for me to accept, as we all just want to help and heal the people we love.

But being locked out from so much and never knowing what was going on made things that much harder.

Be kind to those around you, it is happening to them too.