Living the Dream
I’m a dreamer! Not the kind that dreams big and has set goals. I mean when I lay down for bed, dreams always come to me. Sometimes I couldn’t wait until bed just so that I could go into dreamland. I could dream something and it would happen in real life. I call it my personal communication with God. I dreamed so much I started dreaming - if you know what I mean.
I didn’t really set goals but I became hopeful. Many days I laid in bed hoping and wishing for a different life. Dreaming of the day I could walk up a flight of stairs without getting tired. Wake up and feel the energy needed to complete my tasks for the day. I can remember waking up from dreams where I wasn’t bound to heart failure. I was able to live a normal life. I started to dream about it so much, it turned into daydreaming.
I would just sit in bed imagining myself pulling luggage through the airport to get on a plane to travel the world. I'd speak at engagements talking about my life and heart disease. I went as far as imagining myself on a huge platform speaking to thousands of people at one time. Chest out and proud because I accomplished what I was here to do. I daydreamed about days where I could dress up with my siblings and go out and be full of energy.
I would usually hang out with them but a good 45 minutes later I was fatigued and drained. I would always find a seat somewhere and wish for their energy. I can recall times going to grocery stores, telling my mom what I wanted, and just sitting at the front waiting for her to finish shopping because walking around the store was never successful. It would take me days to recover.
After I was diagnosed with heart failure, my life changed forever and at times I was hopeless. Then one day I wasn’t - I chose to stop dreaming and live in my reality, disability and all. When I shifted my heart and mind, I started living the dream, my dream! I did this until it became my reality! It was as if God was sitting back, waiting on me to step out on faith.
For many years I attended a women’s group, and one day I received a call offering me the position to be the leader of the group. Nervous, unsure, scared, but excited, I said yes! In that position, many doors opened for me and I was fortunate to live out my dreams. The daydreams of traveling to tell my life story talking about heart disease changed to me living the dream. Almost everything I thought would never happen all became possible and blew my mind.
When you deal with heart disease/heart failure life is limited. Some days you are hopeful, others you are hopeless, and for me, hopelessness started to drown me. With my heart transplant, I was given another shot at life.
Have you ever avoided going to the doctor out of fear?