I'm Writing a Heart Journey Book

When I got diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy, I never knew that I would be writing a book about my heart journey. When I look back on all I have been through, I feel like I have to write a book to show other heart disease patients a road map of how I survived.

When I was little, I loved to write fictional stories and fake draw pictures. I say fake draw pictures because I was not gifted in drawing pictures, even in art class my pictures would look terrible. Writing has always come easy to me, but it is different when the writing has to be done about your life journey. Especially when the journey has not been nice to you.

What is this book about?

This book will outline the earlier years of my life, as it currently stands. It will talk extensively about my battles with my heart as well as what I was going through mentally. It will include the mental toll that heart disease has had on me, and the good and the bad days. I want to be as candid and as real as what happened in my life, especially in my heart journey - even with the things that have nothing to do with my heart journey, like how I overcame low self-esteem.

My why

I feel like I need to write this book to tell of what God has done in my life. He has done so much for me that I owe Him my life. To some people, the idea of writing a book for God must seem ridiculous, but they were not there when my family was praying to Him on my behalf. They were not there when I was literally on my deathbed. People I did not even know were praying, and I honestly believe He heard those prayers and healed me. I think my purpose on this earth is to be an example of what God can do in the lives of people.

In addition to writing this book for God, I wanted it to also be an inspiration to other people in the same situation as me.

Writing about my heart journey: The process takes time

Reliving and reflecting

The reason why it is taking me so long to write this book is because it is hard reliving the pain and the trauma. I did not know it would be this hard to write a book about events that took place in my own life. There have been many times when I broke down crying at my laptop just reliving what happened.

For instance, my mom was recalling the time I was in the hospital and they were trying to put a tube in my nose and I was just sitting down just crying like a little child. Even me writing about that just bought back memories and it is like a fresh wound that still has not healed.

Pictures are difficult for me as well. Seeing myself, and what I went through, is painful for me.

Deadlines do not work for me

I will not blame it solely on being complicated as the reason why the book is not finished, I am the ultimate procrastinator. I remember being in college and having to write papers and waiting until the last minute to get things done. I have even tried to set deadlines for myself and it just does not work.

Fear and worry

Also, it is fear of rejection after I have written the book. The negative thoughts come, and I start thinking "who is going to read this book?" and "this book won’t help anyone." Then I have to remind myself not to listen to the voice in my head feeding me all the negativity. This book will be motivational - not just to the heart community.

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