Dating and Heart Disease

"How can I date and cope with heart disease? Will he accept me? Will he judge me? Will he take advantage of me because I am sick? Will he really love me?" All the things that went through my head while thinking about dating.

The older I became I realized some of the things I was worried about weren't an issue at all. I was making it up in my head because I was afraid of rejection and not feeling wanted or not enough.

When you deal with a disease of any kind I believe it makes it a little difficult. Not that you cannot get anyone but the fear of not being accepted is something that stays on my mind.

My experience dating with heart failure

At a young age I always preferred to date a man with children or a child because of the fear that I could not have any children, and I did not want that man to have a void of wanting kids that I could not give.

I was closed mentally to dating but at the same time hoping that I could find someone that would accept me for me. I was afraid of meeting a guy my age and if he would feel like he was dating an older woman because of my limitations and that brought about major insecurities.

I remember dating one guy that was a very upbeat outgoing person. That intimated me because I felt as if I couldn't keep up. He came in not knowing I had heart disease and all the cons that came with it. I was so afraid to tell him because I didn't think he would continue dating me. Only to my surprise he was totally okay with it and always made sure I was taking my medication, etc.

While another guy I met could not handle it, because it brought back old trauma to him.
I was completely okay with that because I understand trauma very well. I cannot say it makes dating easy, but what I can say is thinking negatively that no one is out there for you because of your sickness is not true. You just have to find someone that understands and/or can handle it all.

Reflecting

I felt like all odds were against me because I was a kid that grew up having heart disease. I didn't really know life yet, or myself for that matter. I know now from the ups and downs of heart disease that:

  1. Changes in our relationships will affect us as much as our condition.
  2. Mood regulation may be a challenge, despite our best efforts.
  3. The future may weigh heavily on us.

I personally deal with mood swings. One day I am hopeful, the next I am worried and stressed out. Anxiety and depression comes and most times its not easy for it to just go away it tends to linger on me.

When dealing with heart failure support, reassurance, love, and understanding is needed. At times I carry guilt that I am being a burden to my spouse. That feeling alone is one that gets to me.

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