Life at First Glance
August 20, 2015: the day that changed my life forever. I remember waking up feeling hopeful but prepared for the unknown because at the time in my life the unknown was happening every day it seemed.
Pain in my abdomen
I was 28 weeks pregnant with Isaiah. I was scheduled to have him that following week because my heart was failing more and more, but they wanted to keep him in my womb as long as they could. This led to me being hospitalized until his birth.
This particular day I got up from the hospital bed to go take a shower. While in there, pain in my lower abdomen was all I could focus on. I didn’t think too much about it - I thought it was normal. As I began putting on my clothes, a pain hit me so hard that it caused me to bend over, grab my stomach, and take a deep breath. Again, not thinking much of it, I went back into my room and laid down.
An hour or two later the nurses came in to do their daily routine: check my blood pressure, listen to my heart, check my oxygen level, check my temperature, and last but not least, check on the baby. I remember the nurse jumping up then calming down asking me nervously “Are you in pain?" I looked nervously back and said yes! She ask me to describe the feeling and I did. She informed me that I was already 2 centimeters. They left out telling me they would be back!
At that point, I was fearful because I just didn’t know what was going to happen. If I could have a moment of truth, fear and relief creeped in. I was so ill with all my organs failing and short of breath. I just wanted it to all be over but was willing to hold out for my son.
The doctor knocked on the door, came in the room, and said we were going to do an emergency C-section, and that I should call my family if I wanted to. I immediately burst out in tears - I panicked! It was time to have my son and it was all about to be over, but I worried if we would both make it.
High-risk and anxiety
You have to understand, my entire pregnancy doctors wanted me to abort my son because of the low chances of us both surviving. I was high risk, which meant I saw the doctor every Monday and every Monday I had someone come in to encourage me to end my pregnancy.
That’s when I was first diagnosed with anxiety (for good reason). The negativity weighed me down. I was already down in my body, trusting God to hold me together to carry my son. My heart went down to pumping 20% and that was for both of us. In reality that was nothing for Isaiah. He was making it off my prayers and faith.
As they wheeled me to the operation room, tears wouldn’t stop flowing. I had to have a procedure done to check my heart before I could give birth. I finally went into labor and delivery and at 9:37 my son Isaiah came into this world.
The holidays make me feel...