a woman at the mailbox wanting to meet her heart donor

I Wanna Meet My Donor

When I was first transplanted and lost my son I always said, "If someone had an organ of his, I would love to meet that person."

I still stand on that today, had that happened. For someone else, that could not be the same feeling, the totally opposite actually. I had a reality check about 2 years ago on a social site for transplant recipients. Someone helped me understand that everyone is not open to wanting to know the person that has their family member's organ and they have their reasons.

Wanting to meet my donor's family

I have to be honest, I thought that was insane and I said it out of ignorance. It took that person to get a little aggressive in a positive way with me (something I needed) to open my mind about that situation. I was a one-track mind in my thinking when it came to the transplant world and how it goes. When I hear someone talk about how they met their donor's family member(s), I break down crying filled with hope and envy. I know you would think why and how both?

Hope because it might happen for me and envy because it hasn't happened for me. The protocol is that you have to write a letter to them and if they are ready and willing they will reach out to you. I wrote to my donor family a year after my heart transplant and I never received a letter back. I cried every time I thought about it for the next 2 years.

I just thought of myself being the amazing person I feel like I am. They would love to meet me and be so happy they did. They would love my story and be excited to know their family member's heart was given to me. I just knew they would write back and reach out.

When it does not go as hoped

To my surprise, it did not happen that way. I thought about writing again. I just don't have courage because that rejection just doesn't feel good. Plus I gained an understanding that the family just might not be ready to reach out or talk about their loss. Even the harsh reality is that they simply might not want to know me at all.

Can I accept that? If I had to be honest, no sugar coating it, my answer would be "No"- easy! Will I accept? With tears in my eyes, the answer would be yes in due time. That's just not something I can accept overnight. I would spend the rest of my life trying to accept it because of the desire that I have. The fact that they haven't written to me back in years is hard to accept alone. I still hope and pray that one day they will desire to know me. I'm a person that didn't have patience, but this situation has really taught me what patience is all about. Also that things don't come to me or happen the way I think they should all the time. It could be destined that I meet them, but the timing would be when I least expect it.

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